How to network if you hate small talk
Networking. Just the word is enough to make a lot of people want to find the nearest exit.
Walking into a room full of strangers and starting conversations can feel uncomfortable, especially if networking does not come naturally to you. But networking is not about becoming the loudest person in the room. It is a skill that can be learned and improved with practice.
That is why, in the first week of the Full-time MBA programme at Bayes Business School, students take part in networking workshops as part of the Career Impact and Employability module.
One of the sessions, How to Network If You Hate Small Talk, is led by communications coach Esther Stanhope, a former BBC producer who now works with organisations including Deloitte, EY and Barclays to help professionals communicate with confidence and build stronger professional relationships.
For MBA students, these skills matter from day one. The connections built during the programme — through alumni events, employer panels, company visits and socials — can shape future career opportunities for years to come.
Here are some of Esther’s most useful networking tips for people who find small talk uncomfortable.
1. Don't talk business
One of the biggest mistakes people make is treating networking like a transaction from the start.
Launching straight into “So, what do you do?” can immediately make conversations feel formal and transactional. Esther’s advice was to focus on being human first. Business follows trust, and trust takes time.
Start naturally. Talk about the event, the venue or something happening in the moment before moving into work-related conversation.
2. Think in touchpoints, not transactions
Strong professional relationships rarely happen after a single conversation.
Esther explained that relationships are built gradually, often taking between 7 to 23 interactions before real trust develops. A LinkedIn connection, a follow-up message, sharing an article or commenting on someone’s post all help build familiarity over time.
Rather than expecting immediate outcomes, focus on staying visible and building genuine rapport.
3. Arrive early
When there are only a handful of people in the room, it is much easier to start conversations.
By the time the main event begins, you will already have made a few connections and feel far more comfortable in the space.
The same applies to virtual events. Joining a few minutes early can often lead to a quick conversation with the host or another early arrival before the formal session starts.
4. Embrace small talk
Small talk gets dismissed too easily, but it is how most meaningful conversations begin.
The simplest approach is to focus on what you already have in common in that moment — the event, the speaker, the location or even the weather. These topics work because they are shared experiences.
The goal is not to impress people. It is simply to make them feel comfortable.
5. Listen more than you speak
The best networkers are not usually the people talking the most.
Focus on listening carefully, asking thoughtful questions and finding common ground. Shared interests, experiences or challenges create far stronger connections than a rehearsed elevator pitch.
People are far more likely to remember how a conversation made them feel than the exact words that were said.
6. Your body language matters
Networking is not only about what you say. It is also about how you show up.
A genuine smile, good eye contact and a confident handshake can leave a stronger impression than a perfectly prepared introduction.
Even if you feel nervous, most people will not notice. What they will remember is how you made them feel. Showing up with positive energy and being fully present in conversations goes a long way.
7. Read the room
Not every group is equally easy to approach.
Esther suggested avoiding groups already deep in conversation or laughter. Instead, look towards the edges of the room. Someone standing alone or a small group with open body language is often much easier to join.
And if you attend with a friend, use it to your advantage. Start conversations together, then introduce each other to new people as you move around the room.
8. Go in to give, not to get
The most engaging people at networking events are usually the ones who show genuine curiosity in others.
Ask questions. Listen properly. Be interested in the answers.
As Dale Carnegie wrote in How to Win Friends and Influence People:
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Approaching networking with generosity rather than immediate expectations takes much of the pressure away.
9. Know how to leave a conversation gracefully
Starting conversations is one challenge. Getting out of one gracefully is another
The key is to move with purpose. “Shall we grab a drink?” or “Shall we mingle a bit?” are both natural ways to transition. You can introduce the person to someone else or simply thank them warmly and move on.
At networking events, people expect conversations to move around the room. It does not need to feel awkward.
10. Follow up within 24 hours
This is where many people miss an opportunity.
A quick LinkedIn message after meeting someone helps keep the connection alive while the interaction is still fresh. One student suggested making their LinkedIn QR code their phone wallpaper on event days so exchanging details becomes quick and easy.
The follow-up does not need to be complicated. A simple message saying it was great to meet them is often enough.
Not every conversation will lead somewhere, and that is completely normal. The goal is not to turn every interaction into an opportunity. It is to build relationships over time.
Building confidence from day one
Learning these skills early in the MBA journey is intentional.
The ability to build relationships confidently is valuable far beyond networking events. It matters in interviews, client meetings, presentations, leadership roles and everyday professional interactions.
At Bayes, career development starts from the beginning of the programme, not at the end. Sessions like this help students develop the confidence, communication skills and professional presence needed to make the most of every opportunity during their MBA and beyond.
Esther Stanhope’s audiobook, Goodbye Glossophobia: Banish Your Fear of Public Speaking, is available to download.